


i’ll be home with you

by weisenbachfelded



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, background reyrose, background wedgeluke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25382722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weisenbachfelded/pseuds/weisenbachfelded
Summary: Finn knows he loves Poe, in the same sort of way as he knows the sky is blue on Yavin Four, and he knows the sun will set each evening over the top of the jungle. It has been there for longer than he could ever possibly know, and it will be there long after he’s gone.after exegol, finn learns what it is to live a life outside of a war
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 12
Kudos: 61





	i’ll be home with you

**Author's Note:**

> uhh hi! ive never written in this fandom so fingers crossed it goes well! if u are a stickler for details then u will not get them here the sw extended universe simply confuses me

Everything is over very quickly. 

Finn hadn’t ever thought it could be like this, hadn’t thought they could ever spend a single moment together without the looming anticipation of an undeniable _something_ in the very near distance. 

But the night they all come home, he eats dinner in the mess hall with Rey and Poe and Rose and Jess and Karé, all of them around one circular table. And they laugh, like they have never laughed before, and it is no longer a hollow sound, constrained by the knowledge of its impermanence. 

Finn had always thought that, once the war was over, he would feel whole. As though he had completed an arc of sorts, come to land in the perfect place, and was prepared to truly _begin_. 

He does get fractional moments of it, that sense of completion, and although it’s not much, it’s more than he’s ever felt before. He feels it when he sees Poe, and he holds him close, Finn’s face buried in the space where Poe’s neck meets his shoulder, and Poe clings to him as though he is what makes him whole, as though their letting go would splinter the galaxy at its very weakest point. He feels it when they see Rey, and BB-8 at her side rolling towards them, and he and Poe hug her, the three of them holding on tight, and Poe interlocks his fingers with Finn’s, and he thinks he feels Rey shake a little bit, as though she is crying. 

He still feels a little bit hollow, though. When he holds his friends, it still feels like they are hanging on, rooted in a deep fear that none of them can seem to shake off. He is not yet free from that quiet suspense, the jitters in the pit of his stomach, and the clenching of his chest, that serve him so well in a fight, but now, only make him feel paranoid. 

He feels their losses like whole parts taken out of him, pilots and technicians and soldiers and civilians alike. He aches with an unending mourning for souls that he has never known, and he wishes with all his heart that he could piece their forces back together with the lives they lost. 

Losing Snap takes out a great big chunk of his chest with an ice-cream scoop, leaving a seat at their mess hall table, an empty bunk down the hall, and a baritone silence when they laugh together. Finn wonders if the others feel it like this too, if they can suddenly feel the thousands of tears recently ripped in the fabric of the universe. Snap’s tear is no bigger than the rest, only far closer to him, fractions of a light year away from the planet he calls home. 

*

‘What do we do now?’ Finn asks, that first night, sitting on the edge of his bed. Poe is in the bathroom, bandaging an injury on his arm. 

‘We start a life, I guess.’ Poe says, slowly, as though he’s not even sure himself. ‘Everyone starts a life that isn’t centred around the rebellion.’ 

Finn doesn’t know what that means. Well, objectively, he does, of course, but for him, there is no clear image of what a life like that could be. 

‘Surely the war doesn’t just stop? We have to carry on putting things right.’ He says. 

‘No - no, I guess you’re right. Fuck, I keep forgetting we’re in charge.’ 

Finn laughs at that, and flops down onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. 

‘I guess now we spread the word that the war is over.’ Poe comes out of the bathroom, a fresh white bandage around his forearm. He flexes his fingers, and winces a little at the pain. 

‘What about the First Order?’ Finn asks. ‘There must be hundreds of their lot causing trouble everywhere.’ 

‘We’re not an army,’ Poe says, ‘and we’re not law enforcement. We can’t carry on fighting forever.‘

‘But who is? Do they build a new Senate? A new Alliance?’ Finn asks, trying to figure out in his head what is going to become of the galaxy. ‘Sorry. Lots of questions. I just -’

‘I know.’ Poe says. He sits down on his bed, and his shoulders slump down. ‘It’s scary. And confusing. And I don’t know. It’s not for us to figure out, though.’ 

‘I wish Leia was here.’ Finn says. He kind of regrets saying it, watching the way it makes Poe look down and furrow his brow. 

‘Me too, buddy. Me too.’ 

*

He can see it weighing on Poe a lot, the responsibility that he hadn’t quite realised would still be there after the war was won.

Finn can tell that it’s because Poe never thinks he’ll be able to do enough. No matter how many people he helps, no matter how many lives he saves, he will always be caught up in those last few, the ones that are still out there. Poe is exhausted by it, walking around half-awake, great dark shadows beneath his eyes. He wants nothing more than to draw him away from it all, to go with him to somewhere new, to form a life in the way that he had described. 

For now, though, he stays by his side. 

They send out rescue missions, day after day, send out messengers and food packages and doctors and medicine. The days are long and arduous, and he spends hours staring at datapads, at holograms of people who are thousands of light years away, until his head aches and his body feels heavy with exhaustion. Together, he and Poe watch the galaxy begin to heal. And yet, for Poe, it never seems to be enough. 

Sometimes, he will go to bed hours before Poe does. Poe will stay in the command room, poring over maps and plans and records, eyebrows knitted together, scarcely looking up when Finn bids him goodnight. He tries to sleep, but always ends up lying awake, waiting for him to return. When he does, Finn closes his eyes and curls up, pretending to be asleep. He listens to him getting ready for bed, listens to his every move, his every breath, his every sigh. 

Sometimes, Poe is gone before he wakes up. Those are the most difficult days, because he knows that Poe will hardly speak to him all day. Nevertheless, he eats his breakfast with Rose and Jess and Karé, and he takes Poe a cup of hot caf, and he pretends that it’s okay when Poe doesn’t even respond to him setting it down next to him. They sit, side by side, working, neither of them speaking. 

It is times like these that make Finn wish he was stronger with the Force, wish that he could garner even an inkling of an impression of what Poe is feeling, of what he is hiding from him. 

*

Finn’s favourite times, in those last few months at the base on Ajan Kloss, are the ones when the older rebels tell stories about the old days, tales of the forming of the early alliances, hunting down Imperial stragglers, building the first X-Wings.  
At mealtimes, one or two of the older pilots, or technicians, or medics will begin to tell an old story, and the rest of them will gather round to listen in hushed awe. 

Finn drinks in any of them he can get, desperate to discover as much as he possibly can about this world he had never knows. To Poe, they are more familiar - he had grown up amongst them, he supposes. 

Poe gets this funny look on his face when Wedge tells his stories. They’re few and far between, Wedge much preferring to keep to himself most of the time. But when he does speak, a silence will fall over the crowds gathered in the dinner hall, or around the bonfire, and they will hang on every one of Wedge’s precious words. 

It is one night, around a bonfire, that the conversation turns to the Force. Rey speaks, a little, about what it feels like, and then she lifts up some sticks with her mind, to make the kids laugh. 

‘I used to feel it.’ Wedge says, suddenly. Poe’s eyes snap straight to him, and Finn feels him tense beside him. ‘I used to feel it because of Luke, I think.’ 

Finn knows about Wedge and Luke, in the kind of way that everyone does. He has never heard it spoken aloud, though, not explicitly, and certainly not since Luke died. 

‘Luke and I...’ Wedge trails off, a dreamy look in his eyes. ‘What we had was ours. I won’t bore you with the details, because they were ours.’ He is smiling, softly, fondly, and Finn feels strangely as if he is intruding on something deeply personal. 

Poe is leaning forwards, forearms resting on his knees. Ever so gently, Finn leans sideways, pressing his weight into Poe’s side. Poe doesn’t look at him, but he returns the pressure, leaning gently back into him. Finn feels himself exhale, and it feels awfully like a sigh of relief. 

‘I was never sensitive to the Force.’ Wedge says, leaning back in his chair. ‘But when I started loving him, it was like - it was like I got a little bit of it. Like, I could feel him in the kind of way he used to say he could feel everything. In the little things, too. I’d always know when he was coming home for the day, like I could feel that he had made the decision to come back.’ Wedge shrugs. ‘I don’t know if that makes sense. But it made sense to me.’

Rey looks sideways at him when he says that, half-smiling at him. Finn understands what Wedge means, knows what it means to feel everything at once. He wonders if anyone will ever feel him like that, if his meagre understanding of the Force could ever extend to include an entire other person. He knows that the Jedi were never supposed to love - to become attached, rather - but perhaps that didn’t count for Luke. 

He knows Rey doesn’t believe in it. She once told him that attachment and love are what binds the galaxy together. What had gone unsaid was that it was _her_ love for and attachment to him, to them, to Poe and Rose and Jess and Snap and Leia and Karé - had been what gave her the ability to do what she did. 

Finn looks at where Rey’s hand is interlaced with Rose’s. He wonders if Rose feels the Force like that, in the same way that Wedge is describing. Rose settles her head onto Rey’s shoulder, and Rey presses her lips together, smiling. She turns her head, and presses a gentle kiss to the top of Rose’s head. Finn’s chest aches, just a little bit. 

‘When he died,’ Wedge continues, his voice steady, but his gaze lowered, looking away from the gathered crowd, ‘I felt it.’ He taps his chest with his hand, to a spot just above his heart. ‘Like a black hole had opened up, like there was suddenly a gap.’ 

Finn, without even noticing, covers the same spot on his chest with his own hand. He knows that exact spot - perhaps not that feeling - but he has felt countless times something shift in that same place, tug at it, or radiate from it like a beam of invisible light. 

‘I haven’t felt the Force since. I think he was what tethered me to it, you know?’ A few people nod, and it feels as though the entire room is holding its breath - not in anticipation, but rather in a wish not to disturb the peace of the moment, the tranquility brought about by Wedge’s words. 

Finn dares to glance at Poe. His eyes are misty, and there are tears threatening to spill over the edge of his bottom lashes. Finn has a desperate urge to brush them away with the pad of his thumb. 

Poe wipes the back of his hand, clumsily, over his eyes, and sniffs. He doesn’t look at Finn. 

*

‘Did you always know?’ Finn asks, when they’re lying in their beds, that night. ‘About Wedge and Luke?’

‘I didn’t expect you to ask that.’ Poe laughs, a little. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I did.’ 

‘I probably spent more time at Wedge’s when I was little than I did at home.’ Poe laughs, quietly, and Finn wonders what he’s laughing at, what childhood memory he has in his mind’s eye. ‘My parents were out flying half the time, and Wedge kind of became a glorified babysitter.’ 

‘What about Luke Skywalker? Did you meet him?’ Finn asks. 

‘Luke left for Ahch-To with the Padawans when I was...’ Poe pauses, thinking. ‘Eight, maybe? So I have these vague memories of him. Of him and Wedge, mostly. They were like family.’ 

Finn doesn’t quite know what to say to that, so he stays quiet, hoping that Poe will continue talking. Poe seems to understand his silence, because he does. In the darkness, Finn can see his silhouette, gesturing a little with his hands outstretched in front of him as he talks. 

‘They - ’ Poe breaks off, and is silent for a moment, as though he is thinking. ‘They showed me what love could be. During war, against the odds, all of that. And, uh. As a gay kid. It meant a lot.’ 

Finn smiles, and he is strangely glad that Poe can’t see it in the dark. 

‘I know what you mean.’ 

‘About the love thing?’ 

‘Yeah. I never had that. I mean, obviously, there wasn’t much space for love where I grew up.’ Finn says, and laughs. Poe does not. ‘About the gay thing, too.’ 

‘Oh, yeah?’ 

‘Yeah.’

‘I don’t - I don’t know. Not for certain. I’m not really sure what love is. But I think - I think it doesn’t matter, to me.’ Finn is frustrated that he can’t form the words, can’t properly express what it is he means, but Poe seems to understand anyway. Because, of course he does. 

‘Thanks for telling me, buddy.’ Poe says, and Finn can hear the proud smile in his voice. ‘I know it’s not easy.’ 

Finn nods, and then realises Poe can’t see him in the dark. ‘Yeah.’ He breathes. 

Neither of them speak. He’s not really sure if Poe goes to sleep, or if they are both just lying there, awake, in the pitch-darkness, for hours on end. 

*

Finn knows he loves Poe, in the same sort of way as he knows the sky is blue on Yavin Four, and he knows the sun will set each evening over the top of the jungle. It has been there for longer than he could ever possibly know, and it will be there long after he’s gone. 

He doesn’t think of it all the time, but it is rather a reassuring permanence, a constant, simply a fact of his existence. 

He will tell Poe, someday, he thinks, but it is difficult to imagine, in the same way that it is difficult to imagine a future that is in any way different to his life now. Rey tells him that he should do it sooner, rather than later, or else he will only spend years chasing lost time. She says this in her wise, Jedi-master voice, nodding her head solemnly, and, though she’s sort of joking, he knows that she is right. 

*

Poe still goes on rescue missions. Finn wishes he didn’t, but he understands it nonetheless. 

‘This is the last one, I promise.’ Poe tells him, before he leaves for a distant planet still occupied by a rogue Stormtrooper legion. 

Finn isn’t really sure why he’s telling him this. Is it a reassurance? A wish? Is it merely a placation, since Poe knows how dangerous it could be, and how much Finn hates that he is going?

‘It doesn’t have to be.’ Finn replies, as they walk across the tarmac towards Poe’s X-Wing. ‘I know you need to go.’ 

‘I can’t carry on like this.’ Poe says, shaking his head. ‘I’m too tired. I’m not at my best.’

‘That’s such a _you_ thing to say.’ Finn laughs, quietly. Trust Poe to stop going on missions not to take care of himself, but rather because he fears that he can no longer do justice to the job. 

‘What are you saying, General?’ Poe asks, but he’s smiling, too. 

‘Nothing, General.’ 

‘Yeah, that’s what I thought.’ 

They come to a stop next to Poe’s X-Wing, both of them lingering, not quite ready to say their goodbyes. The collar of Poe’s orange flight suit is turned in. Finn reaches out and untucks it, smoothing it out with the flat of his hand. 

Poe places his own hand over Finn’s. He simply allows it to rest there, not joining their hands, not lacing their fingers together, but merely comforting. 

‘Come back alive.’ Finn says, and his voice comes out quieter than he had intended. 

Poe just nods. 

‘General!’ Someone shouts from behind them. They both turn, Finn pulling his hand back from Poe’s shoulder as if scalded. ‘Uh, sorry. General Dameron? We’re leaving.’

Poe nods again. ‘Thanks, Commander.’ He turns back to Finn. ‘I’ll see you in a few days.’ 

It is Finn’s turn to nod, wordlessly. Poe must see the fear, the distress in his eyes, because he suddenly frowns. 

‘C’mere.’ He mumbles, and pulls Finn into his arms, hugging him tightly. Finn is surprised for a moment, but then relaxes into Poe’s embrace. Poe’s hand is resting, gently, on the back of his head. 

It would be very easy, Finn thinks, to press a quick kiss to his mouth, or perhaps even just to his forehead or cheek. But here, on the tarmac, surrounded by a flurry of people, and with Poe moments away from leaving, it just doesn’t seem right. 

Before his train of thought can stretch much further, they are jolted apart by a shout.

‘Dameron!’ Jess calls. ‘We’re leaving!’ 

Finn looks up. She is sitting in the pilot’s seat of her X-Wing already, tying up her hair, ready to be tucked under her helmet. Poe gives her a thumbs up, and turns back to Finn. 

‘You won’t even know I’m gone.’ Poe says. He squeezes Finn’s shoulder, very gently, and then he is gone, climbing the ladder into his ship. He pulls on his helmet, and gives Finn a little salute as the hatch hisses closed. Finn barely has time to wave goodbye, before a harried looking engineer shoots him off the tarmac, ready for takeoff. 

Finn runs inside, bolting up the stairs two at a time until he reaches the top floor. He shoves the fire door open, and comes out on the roof, just in time to see the first of the X-Wings take off. He stands there, and watches as they leave. He can pick out Poe’s easily. He doesn’t take his eyes off of it as it rises steadily higher and higher, eventually disappearing into nothingness far above him. 

*

They are beginning to plan to abandon base. The remains of the Rebellion settlement on Yavin Four are still there, apparently, and now, with no Imperial or First Order threats, it will become a home of sorts to the displaced mishmash of fighters, pilots, engineers, technicians, and countless others living in their makeshift camp on Ajan Kloss. 

Finn finds himself not only planning outreach missions, but also directing food packaging, boxes of medicines, crates of clothes, all to be sent to Yavin Four. They receive holos of the first groups, showing them the renovated buildings, the refurbished hospital. It looks safe. It looks happy, and quiet. It looks like it could be a home. 

Some people don’t go to Yavin. Some, like Jannah had long ago, go to find family long-lost, to rediscover what they once had, many years before the rebellion swept them up and away. Some, like Larma and her wife, gone back to Warlentta, simply go home, to resume their lives, as close to normal as they can get. 

Whenever groups of people leave for Yavin Four, early in the mornings, Poe and Finn sit on the roof, and watch the ships fly off into the distance. 

‘Wedge isn’t going back to Yavin.’ Poe says, one morning. There are less than a hundred of them left, and most people’s things are packed into crates and ready to go. Rey is leaving in two days’ time, heading to join Rose in a little house on Yavin that Rose has been renovating for the two of them. 

‘Oh.’ Finn says, because he’s not sure what else to say. He hadn’t really taken the time to think about what he was going to do - he had sort of hoped that he would figure it out at the last minute. Except, now, they are at the last minute, and he still isn’t sure. 

‘He thinks he hasn’t got long left, and... anyway.’ Poe swallows, and takes a shaky breath. ‘His house is going to be empty. He’s got no kids, no one to pass it on to, except - except me.’ 

It takes a moment for what Poe has just said to register, but when it does, he can’t help but smile. 

‘Poe, that’s really cool.’ Finn, says, nudging him with his shoulder. ‘Are you gonna go?’

‘Yeah, I think I am.’ Poe says, beginning to smile. 

Finn exhales. ‘Wow. It’s really happening. You’re going.’ 

‘I - Finn, I was gonna - ’ Poe breaks off, as though he is trying to collect his thoughts. ‘The house is too big for me. For me alone, I mean. You don’t have to, I mean, it’s your choice, and I guess you might want to find a place of your own, or with someone else, or - ’

‘Poe.’ Finn holds out his hand, and Poe looks down at it, a little blankly. ‘I’d love to.’ 

‘Really?’ Poe looks up at him, almost disbelievingly. 

‘Yeah.’ Finn nods. 

‘Okay. Okay.’ Poe laughs, quietly. ‘We’re going home.’ He takes Finn’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Finn feels warm all over, a quiet kind of excitement thrumming through him. 

‘We’re going home.’ Finn says. The words feel strange on his tongue, as though they don’t quite belong there. But there is a strange, instinctual familiarity when he thinks of Yavin Four as _home_. He wonders if that is what Poe feels, too. 

They sit like that for a long time, hands joined, watching the ships take off. In his mind, Finn is building an image of this new life that suddenly feels very close. He wonders - no, he _hopes_ that Poe is doing the same. 

*

They are the last two to leave. Ajan Kloss feels horribly empty with nobody there, the base just an empty shell, the surrounding jungle suddenly imposing and terrifying, no longer full of life. 

Their things had left a few hours before, packed up in crates, on a freighter ship. Finn is waiting by a little two-man fighter when Poe comes out, in his orange flight suit, undone down to the waist over a white vest, and hanging down. His helmet is tucked under one arm. Finn suddenly feels as though his heart has grown three sizes, and is occupying far too much space within his chest. 

Poe half-smiles at him, and Finn knows, somehow, that now is when he tells him.

‘You ready to go?’ Poe asks, shrugging his suit onto his shoulders. 

Finn nods, still smiling. 

‘What’s gotten into you?’ Poe asks. 

‘I love you.’ Finn says. 

‘Oh.’ Poe looks a little surprised. He blinks, once, twice, heavily, as though he is struggling to process what Finn has just said. 

Finn reaches out and takes his hand, where it is frozen in place, fingers closed around the collar of his orange flight suit. Poe laces their fingers together, and brings their joined hands up to his mouth. He lowers his head, laughing quietly, and kisses Finn’s fingers. 

‘I love you, too.’ Poe says, and it tickles Finn’s knuckles when his lips move against them. 

And then he looks up, and Finn knows, somehow, that this is when he kisses him. 

So he does. It is far easier than he had thought it would be, simply to lean in and press his mouth to Poe’s. He has a single, fleeting worry, that he is bad at it, a brief moment of panic that, actually, he has never done this before, and has no idea how it’s supposed to go. 

But then Poe is kissing him back, and all of that worry has suddenly disappeared. Poe’s mouth fits to his with such ease that Finn wonders how he hadn’t ever noticed that their lips were perfect cut-outs of each other, pieces of a puzzle that were so obviously intended to be slotted to each other. Poe’s hand is on the back of his neck, somehow, and his other is still joined with Finn’s, in between them. 

Finn mimics him, tangling his fingers into Poe’s curls, and it feels just as good as he had always thought it would. Poe hums against his mouth when he does, and it makes him smile, breaking the kiss, momentarily, to feel that sound, the soft vibrations, against his lips. 

Kissing Poe feels easy. Finn is almost scornful at his past self for having such fear about it, for being afraid that it would somehow go wrong. But how could it, when it feels like this? When it is so easy?

Most of all, though, kissing Poe feels like home. It feels like what he imagines when he thinks of Yavin Four. And, in a roundabout kind of way, when he thinks about Yavin Four, it feels like Poe. 

Poe is the one to pull away, finally, his hand still on the back of Finn’s neck. Finn is smiling, giddy, and it only makes him smile even wider to see that same smile reflected back at him. 

‘Glad we got that out of the way.’ Poe says, and there is a familiar playful gleam in his eye. Finn shoves him, gently, and it makes Poe laugh. It sends a quiet thrill through Finn to imagine all the ways that he will hear that laugh from now on - in the halls of their home, in their kitchen, in their bed, against his mouth. He thinks, absent-mindedly, that they really must get some new bedsheets - both of theirs are made for single beds. 

‘Ready to go?’ Finn asks. Poe nods, and squeezes his hand one more time before letting go. 

His flight suit is still undone, the collar tucked inwards at the neck. Finn’s throat feels a little tight at the sight of him, and he considers, for a moment - seeing as they are alone - shucking it back off of Poe’s shoulders, and going straight back to kissing him, perhaps discovering the rest of him, forging a path down his throat and across his collarbones with his own mouth. But then, he remembers that they will have all the time in the world to be alone. He bites his lip to keep from smiling too goofily, and presses one more kiss to Poe’s mouth. 

Finn reaches out and zips up the front of Poe’s flight suit, Poe’s hands following his as he buttons it up after him. Finn reaches out and untucks his collar, flattening it out with his fingers. 

They clamber into the little starship together, Finn sitting behind, Poe with his helmet on. Poe reaches a hand backwards, and squeezes Finn’s gently. Finn leans forwards and presses a kiss to the exposed section of the back of Poe’s neck, in between the top of his flight suit and the bottom of his helmet. 

The hatch hisses shut above them, and Finn feels as the ground falls away beneath him, as his stomach swoops downwards. He watches as the jungle of Ajan Kloss fades away, and he smiles.

In his mind, Finn is building an image of their new life that is suddenly mere moments away from beginning. He knows that Poe is doing the same.

**Author's Note:**

> im on tumblr @dykereys !!  
> send me an ask or leave me a comment or something. much love xx


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